But I looked around at who was struggling with dating, and they tended to be that type.If this type of woman is the dream girl, then why are they having so many problems?For example, there are a lot of pros to smart, independent career women.
“The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love” is about why smart, successful independent women — the type of women men profess to want — have trouble finding steady relationships.Lisa Bonos: How did you decide that this was the question you wanted to interrogate?Jenna Birch: There’s a lot of survey data that said men were really into these smart career women.Rather, Birch finds an explanation in the enduring pressure men feel to be providers, even in an era when, in about a third of married or cohabiting couples, women bring in half or more of the household’s earnings.Until men can provide for a family, Birch finds, they don’t feel comfortable dating seriously or making a lifelong commitment.[The ultimate guide to having the talk with the person you’re dating] Bonos: How have you seen this disconnect in your own dating life?Birch: I had an ex-boyfriend tell me that I was so sure of myself that I was going to scare guys.The vast majority put being a provider and career success at the top for men.Women are showing that we can be that equal provider. There’s studies on how dads interact with their daughters with a lot of complex emotional language, and it helps them be well-rounded; whereas we talk to boys about achievements and being at the top and pride.[How to survive a boring date — and even enjoy it] Bonos: How does that play out in real life?Birch: I would get on dates where a guy would be so excited about the date, we’d have intellectual sparring and then we’d get there and it started to be a competition.