I feel as though there is something wrong with me now that I'm in my late 20's and unsure about wanting to be a parent. The only appropriate reason to have children is because you genuinely want them, and want to love and care for them.
You should not have a child to keep your girlfriend. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being in your twenties and questioning parenthood. There are times when you're going to want to actually strangle that child and see the life leave their eyes.
I know you love this girl, but if she sees what you’re going through already and is either rationalizing away just how much of a challenge parenthood is going to be for you, or has thought it through and is still okay with losing you and what the two of you have together as long as she gets kids eventually, I can’t really say trying to save this sounds worth the agonizing back-and-forth you’re putting yourself through. She definitely doesn't think it will be easy but I have not once heard her consider the real challenges. Then when I chose to ask her what's it's like to be a parent, she says she has no idea and she isn't ready yet to be one, but she wants one in a few years because of her biology, which again, is understandable. I know that but I also know I have the capacity to be very selfish and I could unknowingly behave that way which sucks.
I believe I am equally as naive about parenting but am somewhere on the opposite end of the spectrum in not wanting them instead of wanting them. What I find most concerning isn’t the health issue, it’s the kid issue. I don't want to put an unborn person in that situation.
You say that you and your girlfriend have been dating 5 years.
When you first started dating, did you talk about this?
Can I be completely wrong and would having a child bring me massive happiness or stress, or both?
I don't have any answer and I am so strained by this situation. We have done almost everything together, and I don't know what the hell I am doing anymore. I really, really appreciate any insight or advice....again. It's better to regret not having a child than regret having a child.
However, my life messy, I can't make the commitment to having children with her in the next few years even though part of me wants to, part of me is utterly terrified.
For starters, I hate my job and am trying to secure something different but holy shit, that alone is incredibly challenging.